What’s the No Coffee List?

Who the fuck let you guys in at the door? This is the worst. Fucking hell, what am I supposed to do with you guys? OK so here we are it’s the first time in fuck knows how many decades you get the opportunity to be in power. I guess, let’s give you some credit, you probably got blinded by the bright light or dizzy at the vertiginous fucking heights of influence you found yourselves at but fuck’s sake, this is what we’re talking about here, right, it’s about the people who close being the ones who get the fucking coffee and boy did you fail to close that fucking deal. Barely opened it. You got, what, one concession off the Tories when you went into that coalition right, one fucking concession and it was for a referendum on electoral reform. You FUCKwits! But that’s not the worst of it, and Christ is it gonna be painful going over this but if you’re gonna be denied coffee you need the bastard reason so here it is, dickheads. You get yourselves the one thing you’ve always wanted, or at least the one thing that your tiny fucking minds could conceive of while you were getting all sweaty palmed and weak kneed round that fucking negotiating table with Cameron and Osborne and all those other fucktards. You get your referendum. But what the flying fuck were you thinking of when you wrote the question? Alternative vote? Pull the other one, shitbags, this is insane. Why the shitting armadillo did you think you could persuade the great fucking people of Great Fucking Britain that they wanted an Alternative Vote system when that wasn’t even the system you slutbitches wanted? Come on. You want PR, you do a fucking referendum on PR. I don’t give a fuck what the reason was – whether Posh Dave and his bitches wouldn’t let you have a vote on PR or whether you thought it was too soon to go the whole hogroast on electoral systems, but whatever it was, you twatcarts picked wrong and then you fucked up your campaign and now look at you, junior-to-nonexistent partners in a coalition that’s doing every last thing it was not elected to do. You’re not getting anywhere near the coffee.