What’s the No Coffee List?

Put the coffee down Andy Murray, you’re not having any. Fuck off. You do not deserve coffee. Why? Coffee is for closers, Andy, and you’re not one. If it wasn’t for Tottenham shitting Hotspur you would be the worst fucking closer in Britain. What? You think it’s tough playing against the best top three men’s tennis has ever seen? Wake the fuck up, this is the greatest privilege you could fucking imagine. They certainly won’t be calling it the greatest top four the world’s ever seen will they? Why? Cos you can’t close the fucking deal. What deal? Any. Fucking. Number. Of deals. How about Wimbledon 2011, semi final, Rafa Nadal. You’re a set up. Here’s an idea: close the deal, asshole. He’s not going to give it to you, you’ve got to fucking take it. One bad shot and you start playing like shit? Fuck’s sake. No coffee.

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